Keep Your Heart

Keep your heart will all vigilance, 

 for from it flow the springs of life.

 Proverbs 4:23

As I have mentioned in a past post, the Lord is working in my heart.  I have to admit that it's a slow process as there are years of heartache and bitterness to melt through.  As the Lord and I work through this process together, I've realized a few of things. 

One-  I am not spending enough time immersing myself in God's Word and meditating on His promises for the sole purpose of  getting to know God and His goodness.- I have been reading my Bible, but lately it's been for a women's Bible study I'm involved in or I've been reading it to make myself feel better about our current situation.  It's basically been self focused Bible study, not God focused Bible study.

Two- My satisfaction in life has been dependent on my circumstances, not on God and his goodness-  Or to put it another way, I'm drowning in idolatry.  I've let my heart dwell on and find satisfaction  in my social status, my earthly possessions, my housing situation and many other things that are selfish.  When I rely on these things to make me happy, I only end up miserable and yes, bitter and I fall into the "woe is me" trap because my life is not what I think it should be.  Anything that pulls my focus off of God and on to myself is idolatry and as I said above, I'm drowning in it.

Three- My heart is capable of so much evil.- Mark 7:14-23 describes that it's not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of him that defiles him for evil things come from within (my paraphrase).  As an offspring of Adam and Eve, the inclination of my heart is only evil all the time. Yes, I have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me, but there is a daily battle between my flesh, and the Holy Spirit.  If I'm not immersing myself or meditating on God's word, my flesh wins.  As I mentioned on point number one, I'm not doing that, so guess who is winning? 

To put it plainly, I'm not keeping my heart with all vigilance as Proverbs 4:23 says to do.  But what does it mean to keep your heart?  Well, I've been reading a book by a pastor named Joe Thorn and this is what he says about keeping our hearts:

‎"To keep your heart means that your focus and work is on maintaining communion with God and pursuing the transformation that only God can accomplish in you. It is not performance-based religion, nor the moral improvement of your life, but the ongoing work of cultivating love for God and hatred for sin. It is the unending effort of guarding ourselves against idols while resting in the promises of the gospel."- Note to Self by Joe Thorn

This is my goal right now.  My goal is to cultivate a love for God by maintaining communion with Him and hating my sin of idolatry.  I need to rest in the promises of the gospel, and let God to the transforming.  I cannot transform my own heart. That is something only God can do, but it is my responsibility to be intentional in spending quality time seeking out God and coming to Him with a broken, contrite heart instead of a puffed up heart, seeking Him only for my own gain.

I'll finish this with one last quote by Joe Thorn:

"...The heart is what God is primarily interested in- Hearts that are broken over sin,  healed by God's forgiving grace, and consequently filled with love for our Redeemer God."- Note to Self by Joe Thorn  

P.S-  I know this  really isn't a homemaking post, per se, however I feel as wives and mother's it's so important to watch our hearts since, as Jesus says in Mark 7, what comes out of our hearts is what defiles us.  If we don't stay diligent in keeping our hearts, who knows what may come come out of them when we hit a difficult circumstance and we have such a strong influence over the tone of our homes.

Learning to Love

"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either  merit or sense."- Jane Austin- "Pride and Prejudice"

I can actually really relate to this quote.  Deep down, I'm really not a loving person and the longer I have lived, the more unloving I have become.  To some people who know me really well (the few I have let in), it's not a surprise but if you only know me through surface relationships, it may come as a shock.  In a recent church small group, I openly admitted that it's really hard for me to love people and it takes a super long time for me to trust someone enough to be real in front of them.  

The thing is, the people in my small group were shocked because on the surface, I am really friendly with many people and even yesterday in church, a woman was glowing over me because she just feels the love of the Lord pour out of me.  If she only knew...  

If she only knew how I am cynical and critical of everyone and everything... 

If she only knew that I don't trust anyone, even her because I fear that people are nice to me in order to get something from me... 

If she only knew that I practically run out of the door after church on Sunday, just to avoid talking to people (I really dislike small talk!) and I was annoyed because she caught me just before I exited the building... 

If she only knew that in reality, I'm inclined to dislike someone right away before ever getting a chance to really know them.  That was my defense mechanism growing up. I figured no one liked me anyway so I would dislike them first before they had a chance to hurt me later on. (I really did have a hard time Jr. high and high school with the typical girl back stabbing. One instance was so bad, my mom actually pulled me out of one school and placed me in another.)

If she only knew how much her glowing report convicted me because deep down, I know I'm not as loving as she thinks I am...

I'm beginning to think that the Lord is working on thawing my cold, cold heart.  The past couple of months I have been convicted on my less than loving attitude and He has moved me to tears as He has revealed to me ways in which I have been unloving towards others.  I was recently reading in John and stopped on Jesus' command to others to love one another:

This isn't just a request, it's a demand. One that I have to admit is tough for me.  You see, what Jesus is saying here is not that we just love one another.  He is calling us to love each other as HE has loved us.  Jesus has loved us with the most sacrificial love and we are to love others in the same way.  Jesus was the ultimate example of God's love toward us in that while we were still sinners and enemies of God, Christ died for us! (Romans 5:8)  So even though I have the propensity to immediately assume that people don't like me, or are using me, I am called... No commanded, to love them anyway.  As Christ followers, we are to be that same living example to those around us.  Not only to those in the church,  but to unbelievers as well.  

As I said above, this will be very hard for me.  Please pray with me (and my real life prayer partners) that the Lord softens my heart as I forgive those who hurt me in the past  and to break down the wall of bitterness that surrounds my heart.  I am feeling such a strong pull from the Lord to love others as He has loved me and I need to be obedient to this calling.  

I'll close with this quote from Oswald Chambers that struck my heart:

"The knowledge that God has loved me to the uttermost, to the end of all my sin and meanness and selfishness and wrong, will send me forth into the world to love in the same way.  God's love to me is inexhaustible, and I must love others from the bedrock of God's love to me." 

A Much Needed Reminder

"During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God.   And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob.  And God saw the people of Israel- and God knew." Exodus 2:23-25

This passage was a part of my Bible reading the other day and was exactly the what I needed at the moment.  While I'm not living as a slave, there are times I feel as if I'm a slave to my circumstances and with that feeling comes a sense of hopelessness and all I can do is cry out to God to rescue me from what I'm dealing with right now.  

There is immense comfort in knowing that my life is in the hands of an amazing God who hears me when I cry out to Him, who remembers me when I feel forgotten, who sees me when I feel invisible and who knows what I'm going through because He sent His son to live an earthly life and also experienced trials and hardships. I'm not ignored or forgotten and that gives me such peace in the midst of my trials.  This is also a wonderful reminder for me during this time of waiting.

When I cry out to Him because I'm worried about an up and coming life change, He hears. 

When I am about to throw in the towel because I feel forgotten and hopeless and feel that God has forgotten His promises to me, He hasn't forgotten. He remembers. 

When I'm a sobbing mess in the middle of my bed feeling invisible because my prayers seem to have gone unanswered (or in the real case, the answer is wait and I'm impatient), He sees. 

When I'm lost and confused because I don't know what God's plans are and I don't know what's going to happen in the near future, He knows.

Most of all, He's there.  He's there to comfort me in the midst of tears.  There to remind me of His promises and there to lead me in trusting Him because even though I have no clue what's going to happen, He does.  He has everything planned out and I need to trust Him and know that no matter what, everything is going to be fine because God has ordained everything and His ways are perfect.  Always.